This section of the lot is for Huns only, enema head.
Hey, Drew. Charity's old locker?
Yeah, Mr Douglas said that a year was enough.
I guess they're short on space.
I believe this is my locker.
Hi. I'm Katarina.
It's... It's nice to meet... It's very nice to meet you.
This is yours, so that's... Okay.
I hope I didn't upset him.
It's because you're in his late girlfriend's locker.
Late?
When will she be here?
No, she meant late as in dead.
- Hey, babe. - We broke up. Remember?
Oh, yeah. Well, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you a spoiled, slant-eyed bitch.
It was just, you know, it was in the heat of the moment.
Come on, T. You know I still love you anyway, right?
Yo, G-Dog, what's up?
Get your dick mittens off me, spooge.
Okay.
- Hi, Danielle. - Hi, Wart.
Don't you love her cool nickname for me, huh?
- Hi, Jonathan. - Yo, Brooke.
- Wanna have lunch today? - Yeah, I'd love to.
- Is Danielle gonna be there? - Later.
Hey, you bros or hos, you know, need exam notes or a paper done
or you wanna scratch some vinyl at my crib, I'm your homie.
Hi. How you doing?
Good morning, Mr Chauncey.
Hello, Danielle, Tiffany, Brooke.
Hi, Drew.
Before we get started, I want to introduce a new exchange student, Katarina Wolfson.
Yeah.
Settle down.
Miss Wolfson, would you mind telling the class a little about where you're from?
I grew up in Romania in a very small and poor town called Saint George.
The population is 375,
or just make it 374 because I am here.
Well, my mother told me, "In America, if you study hard,
"be honest and always do the right thing..."
"...everything will be fine."
That's it.
Thank you, Katarina.
By the way,
Saint George is in the province of Transylvania,
whose main export, other than the Dracula myth, is chocolate.
My personal favourite is
the cherry-filled chocolate crucifixes at Easter time.
Our next assignment will be
The Merchant of Venice.
Yes!
Who?
I'm sure all of you...
Good morning, students. This is Principal Douglas.
As you all know, it was one year ago today
that one of our students, Charity Chase, passed away.
For those of you still struggling with your grief,
Dr Turner will be offering crisis counselling in Room 105 this period.
Any interested student is hereby excused from class.
Also, don't forget the big pep rally on Friday night.
Read the first two acts for Wednesday.
- We should go. - Why?
Because it's gonna look weird if we don't.
Okay.
Oh, and will the party responsible for firebombing my car
please report to my office immediately?
You're not... You're not gonna go with them?
I didn't know the girl.
Well, neither did the rest of them.
Not really.
Please, if I'm not prying, how did she die?
They say she committed suicide.
They? Not you?
Hey, yo, my people, I'll slip you some guts.
My idea of hell is being stuck in a room with that dork for five minutes.
How long is the MC Wart persona going to last?
- I give it to the end of the week. - What's with his multiple personalities?
It's because he doesn't have one.
Oh, Charity.
Remember, time heals all losses. Next.
Oh, get over it.
So where's Drew?
Probably in the classroom with the new girl.
Where the hell are they?
I believe that's them out there.
I'm just going to the nurse's office.
Hey.
You guys are late.
Oh, like they're not gonna be old any more.
Brooke had to get her lip waxed. It took longer than we thought.
- So, how you holding up? - Yeah. I'm... I'm okay.
Must've been weird, it being the one-year anniversary and all.
Yeah, I have to admit it was pretty hard, but...
If you need anything, I'm here for you.
So, better get to my stroke victim.
Don't want Mrs Witt to think I flaked on her.
Can we please have an orderly to Room 103 for a body removal?
Wow.
Do you have to get special training for that?
- For what? - To run bullshit so effortlessly.
It's a gift.
- So did he seem a little down to you? - Hello? Dead girlfriend.
Hey, girls.
Hi, Danielle.
I'm on bathing detail today.
Yeah. Hey, see you in the break room.
Not.
Oh, God, I hate the way this place smells.
Why did you have to pick old people as a community service project?
And why are we here again?
Because you're helping me get what I want, and when I get what I want, I'm happy.
And when I'm happy, I'm not a bitch.
Hello.
Surf's up, Winnie.
I'd like to introduce you to Gary Pease,
who will show us the art and science of gourmet gardening.
Let's go find Gary. He's in the garden right now.
Hello, Gary. Fabulous zucchini.
- Hi, John. - How are you?
Pretty good. Good to see you.
I have to tell you, this is the most beautiful vegetable garden...
Did I wake you?
What happened to Mrs What's-her-name?
She get bored with your company and leave?
So, what do you wanna do today?
Take a nap? Works for me.
That's better.
Sorry, Charity.
- He's not coming. - What are you doing here?
You got to learn that only Huns date guys from Hundred Pines, especially Drew.
He's mine.
- Tie her hands. - You people are not well.
Poor little Charity.
Looking for something?
Ever seen one of those women-in-prison movies?
Isn't it a little late for that?
Maybe we're going a little too far with this.
Jesus! Where is she going?
Wrong way!
Watch out for the fence!
Just a minute.
- What? - I have to tell you something.
I was just down at the front desk and I overheard Drew talking to Katarina.
God, I can't believe this.
Last year it was Charity Chase with her sad little eyes and her dish mop hair.
I mean, we take care of that problem and... What?
If she were any stiffer, she'd be in the Petrified Forest.
Look.
By the by, the three of us stole my father's car when we were 14.
At the age of 16, we gave Brooke's next-door neighbour's dog Ecstasy.
And as you already know, at the ripe old age of 17,
there was that little Charity Chase debacle.
Look, don't you think if she were gonna blow the whistle on us,
she would have done it ages ago?
Stop worrying.
By the by, if I ever get pickled tits like hers, just shoot me, okay?
My dad has a gun.
She still pissed about Drew and Katarina?
Aren't you supposed to be with Mrs Fabrizio?
You know that stupid machine that she's hooked up to?
- The heart monitor? - Yeah. Well, it started whining
and it was totally annoying, so I unplugged it.
Then the doctors came in and they said that I should take a little break.
How could Drew resist?
Killer curves, flawless skin, perfect teeth. What more could you ask for?
- Cherry truffle? - What?
It's Monday. Chocolates from Mrs Witt's closet.
- King me. - Queen me.
Eat me.
- Oh... - Five's enough.
Whitney Houston's husband... What's his name?
He is so over.
- Totally. - Tattoos?
Cool in the right places.
- Cargo pants. - Oh. Stupid,
unless you're from Wisconsin and you need the extra pockets for bricks of cheese.
Two-parent households.
Highly overrated if you're talking about mine.
Nipple rings?
What's with the annoying music?
- It's disco day, don't you love it? - I'd rather wax my armpits.
Hey, geek, hand me two bucks.
You do want to pass trig this year, right?
- You want to live through lunch? - Yeah.
- Hey, babe. - Hi, babe.
- How's it going, Jonathan? - Fine, thanks.
- Hey, Drew. - Hey, Drew.
Okay, this is where you make like sweat and evaporate.
Bye, Drew.
So, to what do I owe this honour?
I just thought you might want some company.
Drew, I'm sorry about all that stuff with Charity.
You know, with me being a bitch and all to her.
You were a bitch to Charity?
Well, not really bitch, just some heated words in gym class.
She seemed sweet, even if she wasn't a Hun.
What the hell is it with you guys and this Huns crap?
Hundred Pines is a high-end housing project.
There's not even any pines there any more. The beavers ate the pines.
It should be called Hundred Stumps.
- Hey, Katarina, what's up? - Hi.
My name is Gavin Burke. I'm a fullback and captain of the football team.
Drew, he used to be the captain, but then he got all sensitive and shit.
Now he thinks that jocks are just a bunch of, you know,
thick-necked Neanderthals, but...
Anyway, I'm a solid C+ student, you know,
and I have a serious belt in Taekwon-do
and I know eight ways to kill a man.
So, you know, maybe sometime me and you can get together
and I can show you some of my
moves.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
I took very, very few lessons in my homeland.
So, Drew, I'm having my 18th birthday.
It's a costume party.
It's totally gonna rage. I'd love for you to come.
I'm going as a Victoria's Secret model.
I don't... Maybe.
- Drew. - Katarina.
- Hi. - Hi.
- You don't have to leave. - Yeah, I do.
I'll just be over in the Huns section sucking the nuts out of my dessert.
- What's with the limp? - I must've pulled a muscle.
I didn't remember to stretch after my workout, so...
- What's up with Brooke? - She's been that way for a good 20 minutes.
What?
Oh, God, I am so tired.
- I almost feel asleep in Mrs Puttman's class. - I did.
Yeah.
You know, maybe it's time we had a little talk with Katarina.
Like the one we had at the gorge with Charity Chase?
Something like that.
Maybe we should try a different approach.
And that would be?
Well, my mom says that bad medicine goes down easier
when you sugar coat it.
Point being?
Well, I don't know, maybe we should take her shopping with us tomorrow.
Break it to her gently.
You know, try to talk to her as friends trying to do what's best for her.
- You're such a retard. - No. I like that.
Like we keep our friends close but our enemies closer.
Is that a map of Asia?
Oh, it's some weird freckle outbreak.
I noticed it this morning.
Okay, where the hell is Heidi?
Hi.
Sorry I'm late, but I'm still getting used to your streets.
Well, I'm really excited about going window shopping
with my new American friends.
- Window shopping? - What's that?
You should get it.
It's too much money, and I'm on a very, very small budget.
Budgets are for poor people.
I wonder what the hell the stupid limit on her credit card is.
Anyway, I think it's time we put the poor girl out of her misery.
And what about ours?
Yeah, you should talk. I'm the one doing all the work.
Hi. Welcome to the store. I'm Kristen.
If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask.
You could help carry some of these stupid bags.
Hi. Welcome to the store. I'm Kristen.
My dogs are beat.
I think I've lost all the circulation in my hands.
Okay, this isn't fun anymore.
Well, you're gonna tell her in a nice way, right?
I mean, we've spent all day with her, and she's actually kind of okay.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You are a Hun.
She will never be anything more than a sheep farmer from Romania.
She has to be made to understand that we Huns have rules and boundaries
and that certain things are off-limits to peasants like her.
Like, for instance, the Huns' coming-out ball,
the Huns' parking spaces,
the Huns' invitational, the Huns' cafeteria section,
- my birthday party and... - Drew.
Yes, Drew.
So is my lesson over?
Yeah, it's over.
I just realised, you must have my card.
Thank you for a lovely day.
How the hell did she pull off that switch?
Maybe she knows Siegfried & Roy. They're German, aren't they?
Do you need socks or a belt with this?
It's underwear, bitch.
Okay, how in the hell do you lose a car?
Well, maybe Katarina made it disappear like she did your credit card.
You so funny. You funny girl.
Look, just find the damn car. Okay? I got to pee again.
Wait. Isn't that it, right there?
No, I think... Wait, wait.
Oh, no. This is it. I'm sure of it.
Where the hell is my car?
Did I even drive here?
Yeah, bump that?
- Yeah. - Right.
Mine, mine.
That's good.
- That's mine. - Got it.
Yes.
So much for your little talk.
It's just a stupid gym class.
Gavin.
Hey, hey, come here.
- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
What? I'm over here.
All right, guys, back to the game.
Come on.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I see her.
My serve.
Sorry, it's all the fibre bars that I've been eating.
All right, everybody, practice is over. Guys, put your balls away.
I'm out of here.
Nothing like that to end the game, huh?
You know what I'm saying?
What a bunch of boneheads.
What's this say? Did I make the team or not?
Maybe you should have your eyes checked.
Yeah, is my name on there or not?
Not.
But Gavin and I have been working on my splits.
Oh, my God.
Hey, gorgeous. What's with the towel?
Back off, Wart. Your breath is in my airspace.
So, what was that all about?
Well, apparently I've been replaced, too.
I was supposed to do a French paper for Drew,
but now he decided to let Katarina tutor him.
Where were they going?
Well, it'd have to be her place. Drew's house is tented. Silverfish, I think.
Girl just doesn't listen, does she?
There you go, dear. Good as new.
- Nurse's office. - Is this the nurse?
- Yes. - It's an emergency.
- Shop class? - Yes.
Oh, my goodness.
- A metal rod? - Yep.
- Whatever you do, don't pull it out. - Okay.
Maple.
725, 727, 729...
On your mark!
What's with you? You look like you've seen a ghost.
I may have.
Come again.
Last night I tried to find Katarina's house.
- And? - You're so funny.
Her address is the cemetery where Charity is buried.
It must have been a mistake. Are you sure you had the right number?
It was no mistake. 731 Maple.
Can I ask you guys something?
Sure, sure.
Has anything strange or weird happened to either of you
since Katarina's come to Valley Gorge?
No. T, you?
Uh-uh.
- Why? - Nothing.
- Hurdle. - What?
- Are you okay? - Where did that come from?
- All right. Keep going. - I'm okay.
- Keep going. - I'm all right.
I can't compete with that. She's like Xena.
I think we need to go to Plan B.
What's that?
I don't know. I never needed a Plan B before.
All I know is she is ruining everything.
My birthday is in less than two weeks,
and I am no closer to getting Drew than I was last semester.
We have to somehow destroy this bitch.
How are we gonna do that?
I think I have an idea.
What's up, guys?
Yo. Assalamu alaikum, my brown brother.
Mr Chauncey?
Mr Chauncey.
Anyone here?
Oh, God.
Yes, Tiffany.
What can I do for you?
I wanted to check out one of those digital whatchamacallits
with the little zoom thingy on it.
Yes. I take it you want a camera
with a telephoto lens.
Yeah.
What are you planning to shoot?
Wildlife. You know, little squirrels and birds and dogs.
This is new. Digital.
It's 1.5- megapixel.
5x zoom, with a memory stick and FireWire output.
Perfect for long-range photography.
I think you'll appreciate the size of this one.
Fill this out.
Name and date when you're planning to return it.
Tiffany.
May I ask you something,
if it's not too personal?
Sure.
Just as a concerned teacher and a friend,
I was just wondering how you girls are holding up
in the wake of Charity's suicide?
Uh...
We really miss her.
Foolish question. Of course you miss her.
It must be difficult when you don't see it coming. I mean,
I certainly didn't.
Me, neither. I guess.
Well,
enjoy the wildlife.
in the wake of Charity's suicide?
Guilty.
Charity.
Oh, Jesus, he kissed her.
That should be me he's kissing.
She spends a lot of time down there.
Just like Charity used to.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm just cold and hungry.
Me, too.
Hey, aren't you on a diet?
Lately, I haven't needed one.
Oh, my God. Please tell me that's not a tooth.
Can you believe the stuff they put in candy?
I am totally suing this company.
All right, already. She loves you, you love her. Now just get out of my shot.
Thank you.
There's the money shot.
Okay, so what we need is to download something
that's totally disgusting, perverted and embarrassing to put Katarina's head on.
Ew!
- Gross. - Gross.
Well, doesn't the fur get in the way?
Okay, let's just rule out animals completely.
Stop. Back up.
She's a dominatrix?
It's perfect. Everyone looks disgusting in latex.
Do you think it'll be enough?
Come on. Would you want to be with Katarina
knowing she put baby powder on that guy's ass?
So we'll switch faces and post it on the school's website tomorrow morning.
Every guy at Valley Gorge High is gonna see it.
I want to be there when the first guy comes up to her
and asks her for a spanking and a diaper change.
She'll be so embarrassed,
I'm betting she'll be on the next bus back to Romania.
You know what? I don't like this.
It's dirty and underhanded and it's just cruel.
And your point being?
Well, what if we tried talking to Katarina again?
- I mean, maybe this time she'd listen. - God.
You are so linear.
Okay. Where the hell is her head?
I don't know.
Well, can't you upload, upgrade, surf the wave or something?
I mean, come on, you're the computer geek. Fix it.
I can't fix what isn't there.
I mean, look. You can see Drew fine.
This is really creepy. I mean, what is this girl, the undead?
Damn it, T. You must have had your stupid finger in front of the lens.
Oh, you mean, this one.
I gotta pee again.
What is that, like, five times in an hour?
Hey, I don't keep track of how many times you fart in an hour.
I gotta go.
Hey, Danielle.
Gavin, what're you doing here?
I'm helping out my old man. He owns the place, remember?
What's with the diapers?
I'm buying them for my great-grandmother.
She's visiting us from Montana.
Oh, really? Where in Montana?
Des Moines.
Yeah. I've been there.
I need a price check on the econopack of Jumbo Relievers, pine-scented.
So, Danielle.
What...
What do you think about maybe me and you going out sometime?
What do you mean? Like, on a date?
Sure. Why not? You know? Anyway, I kind of dig a more mature woman.
What are you trying to say? I look old?
Oh, no. Well, you know.
I mean, lately, it looks like maybe you've clocked on a few more miles.
But don't get me wrong. That's a turn-on.
What do you think Tiffany's reaction is going to be to all this?
Oh, see, T and I, we have this understanding.
I don't tell her anything, and she doesn't know anything.
You understand?
I guess.
Hey, Todd, I really need a price check on those adult diapers, ASAP.
- Oh, my God. - Hey, girls, what's up?
What the hell?
Stupid perfume bottle is leaking.
Oh, that's no problem. I'll clean it up.
- No. No, no, no, no. Gavin. - I got it.
Did I wake you?
No, I had to get out of bed to answer the phone anyway.
Good. 'Cause I've been thinking.
There's something about Katarina that's not quite right.
What are you talking about?
Like, when the light flickered the first time she came into Mr Chauncey's class.
And the way her image wasn't on the film.
And she has Charity's old locker.
And she's always at Valley Gorge Park, just like Charity.
And her address is the cemetery.
So, what you're saying is she's...
Charity's ghost.
Danielle, do you realise how insane that sounds?
Look. We caused her death and wrote the suicide note.
Now she's come back to get us, and we can either do something about it
or let her destroy all of us.
You're starting to creep me out.
You girls okay?
Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
Well, you look a little pale, all except for Tiffany.
A little mishap with the self-tanning oil.
You're also early. That hasn't happened in four years.
People change.
No, they don't.
So what can I do for you girls?
The real reason we came in was
we were wondering
what would cause only part of a picture to photograph?
Yeah, like a body with no head.
Could be a number of things.
Sun flare, defective chip, dropping the camera.
Ghosting.
Ghosting?
It's just a photo term.
Oh.
I didn't realise you had such a connection with Charity.
Charity? How so?
Love of photography. She was the president of the AV club.
We knew that.
Settle down.
Act four, scene one.
"We do pray for mercy,
"And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
"The deeds of mercy."
These are words spoken by the character Portia.
She was a bored, wealthy, young woman who, to amuse herself,
created devious and sometimes sadistic little games.
Until one day, the game backfired,
and she found herself in the rather painful position
of having to plead for a friend's life.
I think we can all relate to this character, because we have done things in our lives
that may have caused another great pain.
Shit!
What?
Okay. Let's go.
Put it in gear.
And close the sunroof.
Great.
When the hell did you get glasses?
Well, they're my mom's, but for some reason, they seem to help.
Yeah, well, you should have put them on before you parked.
And, by the way, your blinker's been on for the last three miles.
My hips are killing me.
I have to rest.
My asthma's acting up.
Since when do you have asthma?
I'm finished. You go on without me.
Come on. Get off your asses, you wimps!
You know, I've never actually talked to a real ghost.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you. Katarina/Charity Chase.
I'm confused.
We all are.
Look, we won't be after tonight.
Now,
to prove my point, I just need you to walk through that lamppost over there.
How would I do that?
I don't know. You're the ghost.
Look, it's either that or I cut you open and see if you bleed.
Are you for real?
You know, something's been bugging me.
If you could come back as anyone you want,
why would you come back as pathetically poor and low-class as you were?
"The weed is a flower, whose virtue has not been discovered."
Maybe I'm many things,
but I can assure you, I am not Charity's ghost.
Believe me now?
Wow, that's creepy.
Convinced? Katarina's not mortal.
It makes sense, doesn't it?
The one-year anniversary of Charity Chase's death,
and a new girl arrives, out of the blue,
from a faraway country at the ends of the Earth.
Since when is Romania the ends of the Earth?
You mean it isn't?
It's so obvious.
I mean, it's just like I Know What You Did Last Summer, part two.
I mean, they always come back to the place where they died.
Why did she come back?
To avenge her death.
- What is she gonna do to us? - She's already done it to us.
What?
You're gonna stand there and continue to tell me
that nothing strange or unusual has happened to either of you?
No aches, no pains, no leakage, no drainage?
I mean, look at yourselves.
Okay, fine. I'm getting a six-pack and heading to the pep rally.
You coming?
Let's give a warm Beaver welcome
to the Valley Gorge High football team
and the Valley Gorge High pep squad
as they lead us to victory over Central High.
And then, the optometrist said
that I didn't have enough eyelid to cover a contact lens that thick.
Remember when I farted in gym class
and I said it was because of all the fibre bars?
Well, it was.
Then it wasn't any more.
My ass has dropped a full six inches.
Hell, all of me has dropped a full six inches.
I feel like with every minute, I grow a year older.
I've been wearing adult diapers for two weeks.
B-E-A-V-E-R-S! Beavers! Beavers!
We're the best dam Beavers.
- Are we gonna die? - I'm too young to die.
You? I have to turn 18 in two days. I look older than Madonna,
so shut up already.
This is all your fault. Look, you got us into this, now you get us out.
It's not that easy, okay?
You can't kill a ghost. They're already dead.
Now, listen, I have watched these movies a thousand times
and there is only one way to get a ghost like Katarina back into the grave.
How?
We lure her back into the hole with the one person she can't rest without.
So we have to kill Drew
so he can be with Charity/Katarina for eternity.
Wait.
Who are we going to kill?
Central High!
You know what's weird? I've been having hot flashes and cold spells.
And my period, it's practically nonexistent.
Oh, my God. Danny, that sounds like... Wait, what's the word?
- Menopause. - Oh, Jesus.
I'm not even 18 yet.
Katarina screwed us good.
I mean, I almost wish she'd just get it over with and put us out of our misery.
- Oh, me, too. - Quit whining, girls.
It'll all be over after tomorrow night.
The curse will be reversed, and we'll be beautiful again.
Oh, I feel faint.
I gotta get out.
Pickled tits!
- Good evening, ma'am. - Hey, Nicole.
Oh, my God! Is that you, Danny?
Oh, my God! Who did your make-up? It's so real. Oh, my God!
It's fabulous.
- Yeah, fabulous. - Happy 18.
Try it. It's nitrous.
- Hey, it's not a toy. - Screw you, granny.
- I can't wait for tonight to be over. - What?
Never mind.
I got a drill to my head Got a monkey on my back
Got some weapons in my hand Gotta go work on my tan
I got eggs over easy And bacon in the pan
I got bread in my toaster And more breakfast in my hand
I thought Gavin was gonna learn more songs.
- Didn't he? - No. He didn't.
He's been playing the same song for, like, an hour.
We're all rotting From the inside out
We're all dying But isn't that what life's about?
Gavin!
Yeah. Yeah!
All right. Cheers. You know, we're gonna take a little break.
Yeah. And then we're gonna come back in 20 minutes and do another song for you.
Hey, ladies.
- Come on. Let's dance. - I don't know.
- Hey, you wanna groove? - Get real.
- Well, how about you? - Finally.
Hey, you're all acting like a bunch of old ladies for real.
What the hell are you looking at, bozo?
Looking for
someone?
Danielle. Costumes. Duh.
I was actually looking for Drew.
He sent me this and said it was very important that he would see me tonight.
Oh, my.
- So where is he? - He was here and he was very upset.
Said something about him being so rich and you being, well, so poor,
and how it would probably never work out.
He said it was just like Charity happening all over again.
He used a lot of buzz words.
Dying. Eternity. You know, stuff like that.
Did he say where he was going?
Well, he said he was going home to get a jacket warm enough for the gorge.
- After that... - Oh, my God! I must find him.
Have a hit of chamomile. Very soothing.
We're on.
I'll drive.
- Do you have the note? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Says all the usual stuff.
Disappointment in love, indifference to life, his battle with herpes.
I even threw in the guilt he still feels over Charity's tragic suicide
and the part he may or may not have played in it.
Charity killed herself?
Duh!
I see they finally fixed the fence.
Let's just get this over with.
Katarina!
I think our human sacrifice has arrived.
Katarina!
Danielle?
I thought you were gonna go as a Victoria's Secret model.
Change in plans.
Where's Katarina?
Oh, I'd say about now she's probably at your house discovering you're not home.
Then she'll most likely come here to prevent you from committing suicide.
You're very distraught, you know.
Well, at least that's what her note said.
You bitch!
Holy shit.
- Is that loaded? - Yep. It's loaded.
Now, you'll just climb that fence and jump to your death.
You'll be saving us all a lot of time and energy,
which, God knows, the three of us are very short on.
I really... I don't have the right shoes for climbing.
Over the fence.
Why are you doing this?
Really wanna know?
'Cause you and me were meant to be together,
and you were just too blind to see it.
I mean, Jesus! All you had to do was ask me out again
and none of this would've ever happened.
- I'm free next weekend. - Too late.
God! Hello? Mouthwash.
Now jump.
Now, look, if you really cared about me, then why would you want to kill me?
Because I will sacrifice anything to be beautiful again.
Even you.
You're nuts.
Drew!
Katarina, run!
I mean away. Run away.
- What is going on here? - Nothing.
So you mean you weren't just kissing her?
Katarina, it's not what it looks like.
I suppose she had a gun to your head.
Come on, let's go. Fuddy! Fuddy, Fuddy, Fuddy, Fuddy.
Fluffy!
Hey you, Casper, why don't you float over here next to your boyfriend?
What is going on here?
This is what's going on.
- Jesus. - Jesus.
You're the ghost of Charity Chase come back to exact revenge.
Oh, not that again.
What about Charity's quote?
Drew showed me that quote in his yearbook.
It's Emerson. Everybody knows that.
Okay, you live in a cemetery.
- What are you talking about? - I went there. 731 Maple.
North or South?
Screw this. You, quit avoiding the inevitable, climb the fence and join Charity,
- who wasn't even a Hun. - And who we killed.
You killed Charity?
We sort of all did.
Could you climb the fence now?
Danielle, don't! This is crazy.
Move!
I would've given anything to be a Hun.
Jesus Christ. You are a Hun.
No. I'm not. In reality, I'm no different from Katarina or Charity.
My family lived in a trailer park and ate mayonnaise sandwiches three times a day.
How'd you end up in Hundred Pines?
Tri-State Lottery. 56 mil after taxes.
That's great. Now move so I can kill Drew.
Blood? Ghosts don't bleed,
but apparently dirt-poor exchange students from Romania do.
Was it possible I had been wrong?
That driven by obsession and over-active imagination and blind jealousy,
I had made a mistake about Katarina?
And if she didn't do this to us, then who did?
- How's that again, ma'am? - It's Romania. R-O-M-A-N-l-A.
Yeah, I'll take a half-dozen glazed.
Oh, and the captain wants $50 on Bone Spur in the fifth race. Over.
Surprised?
Mr Chauncey. Why?
I've been watching Danielle and the others.
I knew they knew something about Charity's death.
I just didn't know to what extent.
I did this for Charity, to clear her good name.
I loved Charity. Like a daughter, not in a dirty sort of way.
Did you know she was the best AV president I ever had?
And, you know, she didn't just do it to get out of PE or study hall.
She did it because, damn it, she loved her job.
I waited. I kept hoping Danielle and the others would slip up and they did.
And now I'm splashing blood all over my rented clown suit.
By the way, you failed English.
Welcome to the New Garden. I'm Liz Druitt.
Those of you who think a deck
is just a place to sit and drink beer
and swat mosquitoes are in for an eye-opener.
'Cause today we are gonna talk with Dr Sam Batts,
head of horticulture at Texas A&M University,
about how he combined his gardening with his leisure living
and made himself a vegetable deck.
Let's go meet Sam.
- Hi, Sam. - Hi, Liz, how you doing?
- Good. How are you? - I'm fine.
Sam, you have fabulous zucchini.
Oh, goodness, how you've changed.
You don't remember me, do you, Danielle?
I'm Mrs Witt and I certainly remember you.
Oh, poor thing. Barely holding on by a thread, isn't she?
Happy birthday,
though I am a couple of days late.
Not much to show for 18 years of life, is it?
A friend of mine died just last month.
She was my roommate when you first came to visit.
Of course, we'd known each other for years. Our husbands worked together.
She's the one who taught me how to play chess.
She suffered agonies waiting for death.
But then one day her husband gave her a shot of some kind,
and it just whisked her straight up to heaven.
For her, death was a blessing.
But it isn't always so, is it?
Take Charity's death, for instance.
Did you know Charity was my granddaughter?
I didn't think you did.
You see, after my stroke, I couldn't speak,
but I could see quite well.
And I could hear very well,
which, of course, is how I discovered that you and your friends
were responsible for my Charity's death.
I asked Estelle's husband to give me an extra-large dose of his potion.
Of course I had to write it out for him, dear man.
He worked for Denton Chemicals,
specialising in biological warfare,
ageing complexes.
I remember how much you enjoy chocolates.
And these are to die for.
The poison was extremely concentrated.
You have a friend. What was her name? Brooke. Brooke, that's it.
She was the only one with any self-control.
She only ate a couple of pieces.
Otherwise, she'd be lying here with the two of you.
My symptoms completely disappeared,
which is often the case with stroke victims.
You won't be so lucky.
Isn't it silly?
Sending for an ambulance when someone is already half-dead?
I mean, Christ, what's the hurry?
We are gathered here to bid a fond farewell to our dear, sweet friends,
classmates and daughters.
So here we are, another rainy day, another funeral. Mine.
Oh, and Tiffany's. Must've been a two-for down at the mortuary.
Well, on the bright side, I'm rid of that annoyance.
Get over it!
Who are they?
He's still a moron.
What's their problem? I mean, I'm the one who's dead.
Oh, my, look at Brooke. A couple of tucks and a laser peel later,
you know, in the right light, she could easily pass for mid-50s.
I guess she won't be dating any more seniors. In high school, that is.
Okay, I'm sorry. That's just wrong.
And our deepest sympathies go out to Tiffany's boyfriend, Gavin,
whose broken heart we're sure is drowning in endless grief.
Remember, my son, in this life and the next, time heals all losses.
As we lift our eyes to heaven, we remand these children
back to their maker for all eternity.
Danielle! Danielle! I love you!
Jonathan!
Danielle, I'll always love you.
Mr Chauncey!
Oh, my!
Oh, my God!
Danielle?
T?
- Can you believe this? - Oh, my God!
Wait. Wait. Where the hell are we?
I don't know, but I've got a room just like yours.
Who cares where we are. We are young again.
It's so totally beautiful.
But these rugs have got to go.
Who do you think cleans it?
I'll tell you, from the looks of this place, we're set for eternity.
- Wait, you mean... - Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
We're in heaven!
Okay, let's celebrate. You put on some music, and I'll go make us some lattes.
Uh-oh.
I think we've got a problem. No CDs.
Don't you dare answer that.
Relax. If this is heaven, it's got to be Brad Pitt or Ben Affleck.
At the very least, Luke Perry.
Hello. These are for you.
- What? - And I brought some tunes.
Let's party, huh?
What the hell are you doing here?
Well, when I was at the funeral, I realised I couldn't live without you.
This isn't happening. Where are all the cute guys?
How long exactly were you planning on staying?
Forever.
You're really sexy.
All right. Seriously, though, we're gonna take a little break,
and then we're gonna come back in 20 minutes and do another song for you.
Subtitles by LeapinLar